Shattering my boundaries

Comfort zone?  I used to have one of those.  God told me to give it up.  I keep finding new ones, but He won’t let me keep any of them.

I twittered that statement a couple of weeks ago and have come to realize it’s the story of my life over the past year.  It started with one step out of my box (which I wrote about here), and now it seems that God is determined to completely shatter all the boundaries of my comfort zone so that I can speak openly about my faith and how He has transformed my life.  Today I think He succeeded. 

Some of you may know where I am going with this, but others may not have witnessed the explosion, so I will fill you in.  Once again…this will be long, but here it goes…

Let’s start two weeks back.  I got an email from a dear friend who God has used again and again as He challenges me to step out of my bubble.  This should sound familiar, because this is how my first real step in getting uncomfortable started.  So…the email came on a Saturday night.  Apparently there would be someone from our church, NewSpring, filming life change stories the next day, and she thought I might be interested in sharing mine.  For those of you just getting to know me, you would be shocked at who I was a year ago compared to now.  Not anything really bad…honestly I wasn’t really anything at all.  I can pretty much say I was wasting my salvation because I was one of the most timid people you’d ever meet.  To say I have changed since attending NewSpring is an understatement.

Getting back on track…filming life change stories.  Yeah…that’s just not for me!  I don’t talk to video cameras.  I hate hearing my voice and seeing myself on film freaks me out–just ask the select few who have previously witnessed such an occurrence (it was not pretty for me).  This presented a problem, because immediately when I read the email God said “You need to do this.”  Dang it!!!!  Sometimes I hate it when God is just so crystal clear with what He wants me to do.  Ok…so I don’t hate it, but it was hard to accept because I really just wanted to run the other way; and He didn’t leave me any room to wiggle out without being disobedient.

I spent that Saturday night–all night–praying, journaling, and reading in an attempt to figure out what I could actually say that wouldn’t make me sound like a rambling idiot; or that wouldn’t take an hour to explain (like this blog ).  I just couldn’t put it into words.  I knew what God had done in my life, but saying “I’m just totally different than I was,” didn’t quite seem adequate.  And I’ve changed in so many ways that I couldn’t seem to explain one without going into everything.

So…Sunday morning came.  I still had no cohesive statement; and much to my dismay, after being at church since 5AM, I was looking quite disheveled.  With frizzy, wind-blown hair and makeup that wasn’t masking the fact I hadn’t slept, I battled with God over whether or not I really understood what He wanted.  Surely He didn’t want me on camera looking like that?!?  Apparently He did, because He was not slow in telling me I had to do this. 

I waited to go last so no one could watch–which is really funny to me now.  After saying a couple dozen prayers to calm my nerves, I managed to find the words and get them out somewhat coherently.  I even left with a sense of peace.  I felt great and knew I had acted in obedience.  It wasn’t until later that I started thinking of the possible ramifications of what I had done.  You see, up until that point, I was so stressed about finding something to say and having to actually deliver it in front of a camera, that I didn’t stop to think about the possibility of my video being used at the 10 Year Anniversary service. 

This new line of thought was not something I was comfortable with.  I began to analyze the cameraman’s feedback and talk to friends that could help convince me that all God wanted was for me to take the step.  Surely they would pick someone else’s video.  Right?!?  I tried to keep that thought, but whenever the anniversary service came to mind I couldn’t help but wonder if God had bigger plans for me.

All that background just to bring me to what happened today…

I was sitting in the Bilo Center with 15,000 people.  My heart was racing and I felt this tightness in my chest every time a new video came onto the screen.  Something told me that God was about to do something BIG to me.  They started showing the campuses.  Greenville, with a Greenville person’s life change story.  Florence…no life change story.  Columbia, with a Columbia life change story.  Sigh…  Whew…  I was relieved.  They had skipped Florence.  I even turned to my friend and said that I was good now…Everything was fine…I was off the hook…

Then……………There I was.  With my face about 10 feet tall on a half dozen screens for 15,000 people to see.  I won’t go into it, but if you were sitting near me you know I freaked out.  This is how I know God has a sense of humor.  I think He likes to see me freak out.  Which is probably why He let me think I was off the hook, then totally put a stick of dynamite on my comfort zone, shattering it into a million tiny pieces.

After that, I don’t know what He can possibly throw at me next.  I have to admit I am a little scared to find out, but also incredibly excited.  I know that whatever He has planned is better than anything I can dream up.  And if He allows me to see stuff like I saw today, I will film a thousand more videos (though with more care for my appearance).  Today I was able to bask in the shear awesomeness of my Savior.  To see hundreds of people accept Christ.  15,000+ people worship our God together as one body.  And I know that Jesus has so much more in store for His church, which excites me like crazy! 

I can’t wait to see what’s to come…

What’s in a name?

Last night I really needed to go to bed early; but I simply sat in bed, my brain a whirl of thoughts.  This is one of the things that stuck in my mind and just had to get out…(Be warned-This post may make absolutely no sense to anyone else, but I couldn’t sleep last night from thinking about it…so here it is)

A couple of weeks ago I was riding in the car with my husband, Travis.  We often have some great discussion while we ride along, so I was not too surprised when he very simply asked: “Who is God?”

Me being all too familiar with Travis (and his penchant for rhetorical questions), I assumed it was a trick question.  I assumed there was some trap that I did not see, that he was trying to catch me unaware or test my knowledge.  Suspecting such a trap, I thought for a minute.

Who was God?  I could say ‘Yahweh’.  Or ‘Jesus’.  Or I could just say ‘He is who He is.’  Not really knowing where Travis was going with this, I opted for the last.

He thought for a minute then went on with what he had been thinking when he asked the question.  I don’t remember exactly what he said, but part of it really hit home with me and has apparently been marinating over the past few weeks.

When God tells Moses who He is, He says, “I am who I am.”  The Hebrew is Ehyeh-Asher-Ehyeh.  Ehyeh meaning ‘I am’ or ‘I will be’ and Asher meaning ‘who.’  Only Travis did a little research and apparently Asher can have more than one meaning.  The ancient Hebrew language did not have near as many words as our language, and Asher was also used for that, where, when, etc… 

So…that’s where my brain was last night.  I don’t know the specific word intended to be used in the Bible, but when I said that phrase with each of those words I realized that God is all those things.

He is who He is—our God’s character will never change.  That much I knew, but the other stuff needed some time to soak in.  He is that He is.  He is where He is.  He is when He is.  As I mulled all of those phrases over, I saw a shift in my perception of God–or maybe it was just a realization of something I had already known but never really found words to describe.  I was no longer only seeing His constant character, but seeing His presence constantly moving at the same time.  Moving to a purpose in people and places, at all times.  Constant, but never stagnant!  Constant, but not confined.

It made me see Him in my life in a whole new way. 

He is who I need Him to be. 

He is what I need Him to be. 

He is when I need Him to be. 

He is where I need Him to be. 

If I need peace, He is peace.  If I need patience, He is patience.  If I need love, He is love.  Everything I need, is everything He is.  When, where, how, what, and ultimately Who.  He is it all!

God doesn’t change who He is to suit my needs, but my needs are completely wrapped up in who He is.

New Year’s Resolutions

At this time each year everyone begins to think of things in their lives that they need to change–then come the New Year’s Resolutions.  Vows to make that change, to improve, to do something new, or return to something from the past. 

The most common resolutions deal with diet and exercise–gyms get a big boost in business in January.  Last year I made one of those resolutions.  Not a diet, because I have a poor track record with diets; but my resolution was to get back in shape through exercise—I would rather run everyday than have to count calories.  I did great for a while, keeping to my 3 day-a-week running regimen for nearly 9 months.  Then came chaos and my running routine was one of the first things to go.  I do plan on working my gym and running schedule back in soon, but I have not yet put a date on that plan (I know I am procrastinating on this one and may continue to do so for at least another week).

Anyways…now it is time to make more resolutions.  Since I don’t plan on repeating last year’s, I am going to switch things up.  Instead of making a physical change, I am going to put in writing some of the inner stuff that I need to work on.  I realize that I will most certainly flounder and fail from time to time, but I resolve to try my best.  And feel free to hold me to these…

I resolve to accept the fact that things won’t always go how I want them to.  In light of this I will always keep in mind that what God wants for me is better than what I want for myself.  I refuse to be dragged down when my plans don’t match His.  This is a lesson He is continually teaching me, and I want to learn it once and for all!  Remembering “…we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him…”

I resolve to make the most out of every opportunity.  And I will look for the opportunities all around me that I may not usually notice.  Opportunities to be a blessing to others, to encourage, to share my faith, to reach out to someone, to build relationships…I could go on and on.  I have been terribly unobservant in the past, and I need to begin to see things through His eyes.  Hopefully I will even be able to look for these opportunities at some point this year on a trip to Kenya (praying over that as I type).

I resolve to acknowledge that perfection isn’t always possible, and I WILL NOT beat myself up when I can’t reach my perfectionist standards.  This one is sure to give me some trouble, but I am determined to be a little less Type-A and a little more go-with-the-flow.  Fingers crossed!

I resolve to slow down.  This year has been the fastest I have ever lived through.  And ironically, though time has flown by, I seem to have gotten more done this year than ever before.  Strange how that works out.  Just to clarify…by slow down, I have no delusions that I will have less to do, just that I hope to turn my brain to a different pace so that I can appreciate more going on around me.  I’m not sure how this one is going to work out or if it is really possible, but I’m gonna give it a try

And last…I resolve to love more freely, forgive more readily, speak more boldly, and keep trying to push beyond the boundaries of my comfort zone.  2009 has been a year of big change for me in all of these areas, and I want to beat that record in 2010.

As I look back over what I just typed out, I am starting to think running 3 days a week would be a lot easier; but I won’t turn back now.

May 2010 be a year of personal and spiritual growth.  May God continue to blow my mind, and each of yours.

Love to you all, and cheers to the coming year!

Christmas Scavenger Hunt: The end

So this will be the last post I have on the Haselden Christmas festivities.  We gave the teams two other challenges.  One involved a rousing game of Guitar Hero.  I bought this game a few weeks ago, and it is actually really fun; but I thought it would be difficult for the older folks and those unaccustomed to video games.  So…here we have them rockin’ out to “Eye of the Tiger.”

 

And then there was one last riddle to solve…if anyone knows where I got this from you earn 10 cool-nerd points from me (I realize how oxymoronic that is, but still…)

We set out these bottles.  In order to receive the next clue, they had to choose and drink the contents of the bottle that would move them forward–all based on the clues in the riddle at the bottom of this post.  If the wrong bottle was chosen there were penalties–a time delay or extra challenges to complete.

Here is the riddle:

Prizes lie before you, while much work lies behind.  One of us will help you, but it you first must find.

One among us seven will let you move ahead,  another will transport the drinker back instead.

Two among our number hold only nettle wine.  Three of us are killers, waiting hidden in line.

Choose, unless you wish to stay here forevermore.  To help you in your choice, we give you these clues four:

First…however slyly the poison tries to hide, you will always find some on nettle wine’s left side;

Second…different are those who stand at either end, but if you would move onward, neither is your friend;

Third…as you see clearly, most are different size.  Neither dwarf nor giant holds death in their insides;

Fourth…the second on the left and the second on the right, are twins once you taste them, though different at first sight.

 

I hope you enjoyed reading about our Christmas tradition.

Catch ya later…

Christmas Scavenger Hunt: Part 3

There was a two-part challenge that involved a bit of hide and seek.  We hid 7 letters around the yard.  The teams had to find each letter, then put them in the correct order to spell out the location of their next clue.  The letters were Y-L-H-A-F-T-O.  After some time finding the letters and unscrambling them, they discovered the location was the HAYLOFT of the barn.  The clue hidden in there was for the horseback-riding challenge…only this year I made things a little different.  The instructions were:  “Ride ‘em Cowboy!  It’s time to mount up!  Head to the barn and take the horse from the fist stall.  You must RIDE the horse to the mailbox, where your next clue awaits.”

Here is my sister-in-law on her trusty steed…

Christmas Scavenger Hunt: Part II

So the Scavenger hunt was more than just Fear Factor.  There were some physical challenges, which I will go into later, and some brainy challenges.  I’ll go into a few of those now (but I’m saving my star riddle for later )

These two seemed to go pretty quickly.  See if you can solve them.

-What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years?

And…

-I am balanced though bubbly.  I tell you what’s true.  Carpenters love me, daily weighers do too.  Backwards or forwards my story is the same.  That’s even the case when you spell my name.  What am I?

A couple of just straight-up “What do you know?” stops in the hunt for the prize ended up being more challenging than the physical stuff.  Two of them looked easy, but were stumbling blocks for both teams. 

-List the 10 Commandments.  It seems simple, but neither team got them all until time lapsed and they were allowed to use a Bible.  Can you name them?

-List the 50 states.  It will not shock you that I got this idea from an episode of Friends.  The first 40 to 45 are easy, it’s the last few that make you wish you had learned the 50 state song in elementary school.  Just so you know, I do not know that song…geography was never one of my nerdy subjects.  I got stuck on a couple of them when I tried to do this.  It’s the crammed together New England states and those weird western states that no one ever talks about that tripped me up.

You should give these a try.  It may be harder than you think.

More to come in a few days…

Christmas Scavenger Hunt: Part 1

Since the time Travis and I started dating, about 6 years ago, his family has hosted a Holiday Scavenger Hunt each Christmas.  Usually his parents make up the clues, leaving his siblings and us to duke it out to win the final prize (a giftcard to some restaurant)–and when I say duke it out, I mean it.  Most of us are extremely competitive, and we are not beyond a little pushing and shoving to win.  We play in teams, so it makes for a fun time, with minimal resentment from the losing teams . 

In the annual game there are always an assortment of activities.  Riddles, physical challenges, and even a Fear Factor portion (which I must say is my least favorite part).  His parents live on several acres, so there are horseback riding challenges, excursions into fields, and once there was even a three-legged portion of the game, in which we had to walk about 2 miles with our legs tied together–the rope from that one rubbed blisters on my ankle (but we won and that’s all that matters!).

This year Travis and I were responsible for coming up with the game.  We made up clues and hid them around at his parents’ home.  I figured I would share a little of that experience with you over the next few blog posts.  Letting you in on some of the riddles, challenges, and even some pictures.

There were only 2 teams this year because we were missing some people.  We made them draw to see how the pairs would form.  It ended up being Travis’ mom and sister vs. his dad and brother.  And the games began…

One of the first things that one team had to do was the Fear Factor challenge, so I will start there.  Now normally his parents buy an assortment of food items and it is pretty much a roll of the dice for which thing you would have to eat.  Last year I ended up having to eat a sardine…it took me about 10 minutes and a lot of gagging to choke that down.  Maybe I was a little bitter about it, because I put a whole lotta thought into the Fear Factor challenge this year.  Instead of nasty foods, I decided nasty beverages would be a little more sinister.

So Travis and I came up with six different drinks, some tasty and some extremely difficult to get down.  The challenge started with a bow and arrow.  They had to shoot at the target to determine how many of our concoctions they would have to swallow.  The closer to the target, the fewer drinks that would have to be consumed (anywhere between 0 and 6).

 

Here they are taking their shots.  Both teams ended up having to drink 5 out of 6 beverages.

 Here we have the beverages.  Which would you drink or avoid? 

Here is his dad enjoying a not-so-tasty drink! 

 

 Just so you know…this is what was in the drinks.

1. SUPER SALTY water.  And I mean SUPER SALTY!

2.  Green machine.  It looks nasty, but it is a fruit juice.

3. Pecan tannin tea.  We cracked open pecans and brewed a tea from the bitter tannins.  A drink to dry out the mouth!

4.  A combination of berry-flavored Metamucil dissolved in water, some cocoa powder, and a lil’ bit o’ buffalo sauce.  YUMMO!

5.  Just some good ‘ole green tea.

6.  White grape juice with black food coloring, and spiced with some peppermint extract.  Very confusing to drink!

 How would you have fared in our Fear Factor challenge?  I probably wouldn’t have done so well myself.  Maybe you will find the other challenges and riddles more appealing.  I’ll try to fill you in on those in the next few days.

 

 

Has anyone seen my Christmas spirit?

This Christmas season has been very unusual for me.  With only 7 days to go until Christmas (only 1 day before I celebrate with my in-laws) I am struggling to see where my time has gone.  I usually have all my shopping done at this point—with maybe one or two extras to pick up.  I usually am not stressed, but calm and well-rested from being out of school.  I usually have my halls decked with boughs of holly, my stockings hung with care, and my tree decorated.  This year is new for me because I am super-scrambling.  I have way more stuff left to take care of, and I’m not even thinking about decorations or trees at this point.  I shouldn’t be wasting my time right now on this blog post, but I really needed to bring a little order to my chaotic yet very absent brain. 

What is weird for me this year is my lack of good ‘ole Christmas spirit.  It just doesn’t seem like it is time for Christmas, and I can’t seem to make my brain make that connection.  I am not grumpy or Scroodge-ish.  On the contrary, I am very grateful.  I am very much aware of my Savior and all He has done for me, but that awareness isn’t translating into my normal Christmastime demeanor.

For example…Normally I love trying to come up with great gift ideas for people.  Something creative or surprising, putting lots of thought into what the perfect gift might be.  But this year my creativity has been in short supply.  No matter how hard I try to think of something, I can’t seem to come up with any good ideas.  If I wasn’t specifically told what someone wanted, then most likely they will be getting a giftcard from me this year.  I don’t mind receiving giftcards, but I am normally not a giftcard giver in any capacity.  Not true this year!

The thing that is bothering me most is this feeling of guilt for not being “holly, jolly.”  Guilt that from the outside looking in, people may think that I am being a Scroodge because I’m not in my normal Christmas zone—watching Christmas movies and singing Christmas carols, decorating the tree and wrapping wonderfully planned gifts.  Maybe my spirit will come all at once when the celebrating commences, but I think this year is just going to be a different kind of Christmas for me.  I may not be “Fa-la-la-la-la“ing, but I still find so much joy in the reason for this season.  I still have my Jesus at the front of my mind, and I guess that is all that matters.

So I will try to cast this guilt aside (maybe easier said than done), and simply bask in this different type of Christmas spirit.  Who knows, maybe God will teach me something totally new and awesome…actually I think He is already trying, I just have to slow down and listen.

I’ll Be There For You…

Well…my Christmas break has started, and I have been in the mood for some light and funny entertainment.  In the realm of television comedy, nothing satisfies me more than the 6 amigos who gather inside Central Perk and are continually fascinated with the ‘Ugly Naked Guy’  in the next building.  I have seen every episode, probably more times than I would like to admit, but I am craving some time once again with Joey, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, and Ross.   

I own all 10 seasons, and I don’t want to sit in front of the TV for my entire Christmas break–so I need to narrow it down a little.  That’s where I could use some help.  What are some episodes that you remember being oh, so funny?  I already have “The One with the Cop” (where they move the couch upstairs) in the DVD player (thanks to Erika for the reminder–I had forgotten about that one ).  Do you have a favorite episode, or several?  If so, let me know.  It’s name or just what happens in it–I can probably figure it out from there.

To those of you who are not fans of Friends–if anyone like that exists–you need to repent immediately and go out and buy the episodes.  Or just give me a call.  I will be more than happy to loan you a season or two.

Just keep swimming…

“Just keep swimming!  Just keep swimming!  Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming…”

Can you guess the movie?  If not, you are missing out on a modern-day masterpiece.  If you do know the movie then you may hear the voice of Ellen Degeneres singing that phrase in your mind.  It has been cycling through my head sporadically, and I just wanted to share all the stuff that came along with it.

Think of life as an ocean.  Unpredictable, overwhelming, and bigger than I can imagine.  Initially it seemed exhausting.  Swimming is hard work–and when the current is pulling us in the opposite direction it can feel impossible to reach our destination.  But since the phrase kept ringing in my head I dug a little deeper.  And as I began to ponder those words, they began to seem more and more encouraging.

Our brains and hearts may struggle to process all of the many lessons we have to learn.  Stuff doesn’t always make sense.  We can’t always control our own lives.  And the waters can quickly change from calm to rough.  But despite all of that, as long as we “just keep swimming” we will eventually make it out of the jellyfish jungle.  The only thing that matters is that we are swimming in the right direction.  Towards the surface.  Towards the Light.  Towards Christ.

I just wanted to share my thoughts.  Now I may go watch Finding Nemo .

Until next time…